What if ? Learning to beat self doubt.

Feelings of  'not being good enough', and self doubt run very deep. They've plagued me my whole life.  I constantly seek approval and validation from other people. Does this sound familiar? I'm guessing from many conversations I've had that it rings a bell with a lot of you. 

Those of us who are artists and artisans are putting a little bit of ourselves out there every time we share our work, and that can be incredibly hard.  Others long to be creative, but don't feel they can because, 'I can't (draw, paint, sew, sculpt, write, etc... ) that's for other people'.  I've lost count of the times I've heard his from people who come to my classes. Honestly, I get such a buzz when they find out that they can! Supporting and encouraging other people is pure joy. Supporting and encouraging myself, however, is not! 

 Over the years I've made so many half-hearted attempts to 'do something ' about my own nagging self doubt.  I've read so many self help books, visited dozens of websites and listened to more podcasts than you can count!   I get confident for a while but then something happens which knocks me back and makes me feel that 'I can't'.  It could be something as simple as my post not getting what I have deemed 'enough' 'likes' on social media, in order to make me feel like a worthwhile human being! Crazy, but true!

It's our real fear of  'the bad things',  (duh , duh, duh) that we might face rejection, disapproval,  not being liked, etc,  that holds us back.

Let's get this in perspective - I might face 'the bad things', but I might not. If I did, what would be the worst that could happen? If someone disapproves, or decides they don't like me or what I do, that's their right.  However much I  may wish it wasn't so, not everybody is going to like me, or my art. Actually, though, I only want to share my creative world with people who 'get' me, like and appreciate what I do, so is it really any loss? 

If I'm rejected, I can see it as a learning opportunity and try a different direction or approach.  Again, what I do won't not appeal to everyone, and that's  okay. I'm still going to freak out sometimes, because I'm human, but that's fine too. 

If any of this this resonates with you, whether as an artist,  a creative, (or just personally, in terms of life the universe, and everything)  then I invite you join me on my journey.

I'm beginning the year spending some time looking back over the last one.  If you think this might be helpful for you,  then please take some time to think about what you achieved - and what you wanted to do, but didn't, because you were afraid to.

I'm going to  look at:

How and why I reacted to my new situation in the way I did.   
What I can learn from my achievements  - what worked and why was it successful? 
What things didn't pan out as I hoped?  Why did that happen and how could I have done things differently?    

It's time to try to make the most of future opportunities, instead of hiding under the table,  and  changing  'I can't' to -

'What if '?  

I know I'm not alone. 

What do you want to achieve?  It can be anything at all,  but, if it's a lack of faith in yourself and your capabilities which is stopping you, let's talk about it. Or, if you've managed to conquer your fear, what's helped you deal with it?

We can work on self doubt and give 'the bad things' a good bashing. Let 2018 be the year you say  'What if'? Then try! 

I wish you all  good things in this New Year!

Nature's memories

What's your earliest memory?
Most of my vivid childhood memories have a strong connection to the natural world.

The first thing I clearly remember, aged almost 2, was toddling up to our front door and seeing a huge, dark shadow on the glass window. We were snowed in. I remember being lifted up to see the white world outside, and being not scared, but excited, at how the world had changed.

And  I remember from childhood:

Watching the blue tits pecking the milk bottle tops to feast on cream!
Feeding the hedgehogs who visited our garden.
Excitedly looking for the first golden cowslips which bloomed in the field next door each spring.
Walking along (the beautifully named) 'Frog Furlong Lane' with mum and the 'helicopters' on the sycamore trees.
Looking for 'Walter' wagtail , who loved to catch insects in our yard.
Hearing the cuckoo calling.
Writing on laurel leaves with a rose thorn.
Hanging up a piece of seaweed outside after a trip to the coast, to tell what the weather would be!
The taste of ripe blackberries.
The wonderful scent of the sweet peas mum planted every year.
Being absolutely terrified that tigers would leap out from the shadows and eat me, as dad drove us along narrow, shadowy, wooded lanes on our family outings (thanks, big brother John! I never, ever told mum and dad though .... )

These very ordinary things had a huge impact on my life, and how I view the world. I  really hope that  the newest generation will enjoy similar memories.

The trouble with lichen....

There isn't any.  I just love the title of that book.

They're strange, beautiful, fascinating fungi. A couple of weeks ago my friend Liane and I braved the February squelching and met up with a party of other Lichen lovers on Bristol's famous Downs. You would never imagine there being so much laughter from a group of thoroughly wet, cold people. Lichen seems to attract  rather jolly people!

I  finally managed to document the fallen samples I found in my nature journal ( they'll now be returned to their natural habitat!)  There was  endless aggravation  fun, trying to draw them whilst focusing through  my new hand lens. I won't be trying that again, but it is amazing to get such a wonderful visual perspective.

These are just my interpretations, (sans hand lens) of some stunning forms and textures; and here's a few photos of these little beauties.

Thanks to Avon Wildlife Trust  members, who arranged this event, and local expert Sheila Quin, who led the walk. I learnt a lot and it was worth getting wet feet!  We followed The Downs Lichen Trail.

Exploring nature in 2017

Good Morning 2017!

 'Explore'

This is the word I've chosen to guide me through the year. I've lots of  new avenues to find my way along, and opportunities which seem quite daunting, and not a little terrifying.

This year, I want to delve deeper and look closer into nature, and capture even more beautiful and wonderful things. Like the bark of these wonderful 300 year old yew trees.

 

The Universe must be doing it's stuff; because I've had a beautiful and unexpected gift  from my niecelet - which is a pretty perfect fit.

Deer, Roe deer, Roe deer....

Deer have been much in my mind of late, and then I saw Tammie's invitation to this drawing challenge!  A while ago I was thrilled to find a Roe deer antler on the marshland behind our home, and made a journal entry about it.

These deer are British natives. Unlike most deer species, they are solitary, but form small groups in the cold months.  I though I'd try some wintry sketches of a buck...

 and a doe.....

 
Then this evening,  I got a tweet from the National Trust, who saw this photo I took of the Fallow deer herd at Dyrham Park. They loved it and asked if they could use it in their social media promotional material! So I'm feeling that deer are very dear today!

Focusing on the Ordinary - and finding answers

Every Day Matters.

 'Yes, of course', some of you may say.
Others will nod and murmur ' Ah, EDM,  Danny Gregory' and possibly Sketchbook Skool. Chances are if you're reading this you'll know what I'm talking about.

Sharon explains and demonstrates how EDM (and other interesting creative  things) in  her excellent blog Tones and Tints.  It's really worth a visit, and if you're a stitcher, then you'll probably know her already from one of my favourite blogs  Pintangle. There's also a thought provoking post from from Sarah,  here.

Sometimes, having diverse creative interests is awkward.
After feeling elated on completing the 31 Days sketching challenge last week  - I felt lost.   It had sparked off so many wonderful new creative ideas, but how could I possibly implement them all?  My focus went walkabout. It didn't even wave goodbye!

So - at embroidery class, I took some books about learning to draw for  my friend and class participant  Alison, which included  Danny's 'The Creative License'.  I explained  the concept and background  to EDM,  and recording our lives through art. This was a new idea to  my group, but they really took it on board -  we ended up talking about the importance of creativity and marking our lives. Not just the big events, but the little things - and, the different ways in which we can do this through our creativity.

We didn't actually get much stitching done, but it was wonderful to feel the enthusiasm, ideas and interest - and the understanding of the importance and connection of creativity in daily life. I must admit I got a real buzz from it.

I'd been a bit of a silly old Jules. Far better to have a store of ideas, but to concentrate on the now.  Explaining this to others made me really remember it's the journey that's important. The willingness to continue learning, and practice, patience and perseverance are all that's needed. Instead of worrying - just do it. Focus returned. She was a bit tired and hungry, but  I made her a big bowl of soup, and we're settling down nicely.

OK, I am going to inflict more sketches on you. I've still been drawing every day, and I'm taking a new class with  renowned Urban Sketcher and illustrator Marc Taro Holmes - 'Sketching People in Motion'.  via Craftsy.  It is, absolutely, fantastic.  He's a brilliant teacher and these are my first two complete sketches, created while watching video.  I would never imagine I could, sketch anyone moving,  so I can't praise this class highly enough. I can't wait to get out and practice gestural sketching now.

  Classical violinist

Classical guitarist.

The guitar is totally off, but I don't care. They were moving! Whoopee!
Do check out Marc's blog and stunning art on the link. x

31 Days Sketches is finished!

I did it! A sketch for every day in January - and some. I feel  proud of myself. I had fun,  pushed the boundaries and made some new friends on the way. What more can you ask? Thank you lovely peeps for your supportive comments  - which  help keep you going (especially when you  think you some sketches are not worth posting!).
 Here are the last few. 

 Flags or hangings: I had to draw the beautiful hanging made for my by my friend Starr White of Wonderland Woods. It hangs by my work table and gives me such pleasure and inspiration every day!

 Transport: This is 'The Matthew', a replica of the caravel sailed by John Cabot  from Bristol to North America in 1497. He was searching for Asia,  but discovered New-found-land! The ship was faithfully recreated and undertook the same voyage in 1997. She's now based in Bristol's Harbourside.

Something Ancient: The lovely old compass dial on top of Penpole Point, in Kings Weston,  where the encroaching scrub has recently been cleared by our brilliant conservation volunteers! The dial was already old in 1668, when it was repaired by the Merchant Venturers of  the Port of Bristol

Day 31 was Arches: This is the view looking outside from The Echo, the C18th summerhouse  at Kings Weston. The plinth  once held a beautiful statue which disappeared after WWII.

 And that's it!x

Third week of sketches - almost there!

Well,  I'm still managing to keep up my sketching challenge - and thank you  all for you lovely comments and support, which are very welcome and appreciated.  In the spirit of my journal  I kept it local and meaning full to me,  and it's another mixed bag again this week.

Day 18: Dusk/sunset. This is the lovely old Edwardian lighthouse just down the road! Watercolour

Day 19: A self portrait!  Okay this was scar , no, terrifying,. But I did it! Graphite and coloured pencil.

Day 20: Something made with chocolate. Slurp! Watercolour

 Day 21: Tools! Well, I had to choose these didn't I! Noodlers flex pen/Lexington Grey ink and watercolour.

Day 22: An historic building -  Kings Weston House of course! Noodlers flex pen/Lexington Grey ink, watercolour, and water soluble graphite.

Day 23: A machine - again, I had to try and draw my lovely old Singer! Noodlers flex pen/Lexington Grey ink and watercolour.

Day 24: A barn or shed. This is the lovely C13th century Tithe Barn at Frocester in Gloucestershire, just down the road from my old home. Watercolour.

 

Just one more week to go. I'm determined to keep  sketching daily after the challenge is complete!

And even more sketches....

I'm managing to keep up the challenges - just. Work keeps getting in the way though :)

Dragonfly for 'Bugs' Sketch a day Challenge

 
Crumpets and marmalade: Which I sneakily used for both challenges on different days.

 

The last gift  you received:  My beautiful owl pendant made by  my favourite jewelry maker Joanne May

 

A mythological creature -  I chose The Jackalope!

  

A Station; This was a really hard one for me . Luckily I have an elder brother who made me watch lots of Alistair Maclean films when I was a child!

Draw a recipe: I did - but too quickly, and left out the flour and butter! :) Oops. It is a great recipe though, really easy!

I lumped together Black and White/Found objects on a nature walk. We have high winds and torrential storms at the moments,  so this was a very quick scribble of one of our local badgers!

  

Some of these worked better than others, but I decided to post them whatever I feel about them. The important thing is to keep drawing and try new things. Before I started I would have kept to just doing things in the same way.  It really helps having interaction with others and I find this has kept me going.  Previously, any art work I did was a very isolated affair, because of my lack of confidence,  but I've come to realise over the last year or so the importance of sharing and communicating about the process. 

 Alongside the challenges I'm doing Liz Steel's on-line Sketching Now Foundations class. Liz is a highly respected and talented Urban Sketcher. I'm enjoying taking part very much, and finding the content and  teaching excellent. I'll  tell you  more about the class soon. Today though,  the sun is shining at last - and I want to get out and do my homework :)!

More sketches...

Thank you lovely peeps for all your supportive comments.I've had an up and down week with some horrible headaches,  but I have managed to keep sketching between times.  Quite a mixed bunch this week! I'm trying out different styles, media and new things - trying to find 'My'style.

Day 5: A bridge  This is the famous Clifton Suspension bridge.

 Day 6: Seeds or pods

Day 7: Your rendition of a C19th painting.

Day 8: A Fancy Teapot ( don't have one so made this up quickly).

Day 9:  Coins or banknotes. Could not get inspired by that, so here is Smaug's cousin with this golden hoard of coins!

 

Day 10: A medicinal plant

 

I am also doing a second  january challenge ( as often as I can!) hosted on Facebook by the very talented  Ruthie Redden ! Ruthie  also blogs at Five Precious Things  

Here are a couple of those posts:  I combined a teacup /mug and fruit!

 

And something beginning with J - one of our garden jackdaws!

 

 It's great practice and fun trying these different ways of working. x

31 Sketches for January - Day 3 and 4

Day 3's  prompt was - 'Something industrial'! That was a challenge indeed, as I tend to shy away from anything man made. So all the more need to draw it! I'm trying to keep  'local and live' in my sketches as far as I can,  so these are the windmills  generating green energy, sited on the marshland behind our home ( The River Severn flood plain).  We're rather fond of them, and they do look quite amazing on the skyline - especially on  a clear day against the blue sky - and the red/copper gold tree line beneath.



 Day 4  - An Animal. Ah, this is much more in my comfort zone! I chose one of our little mischievous garden visitors! They do amuse us with their antics - and sadly for them, they've no idea how to open the bird feeders,  so much that we do sometimes put some peanuts down for them!

I just hope I can keep  up the challenge once the holiday is over!

31 Sketches in January Day 2

Today's challenge  from Palma's list  is 'draw your favourite book,  including the title'.  No way I can pick a favourite - I have at least a top 5 -10 and love so many more besides.

 I chose this paperback because I love Hardy,  this is my favourite story of his, and  I  loved the cover which is a painting by the English artist Gordon Benningfield. Also  I  do not paint landscapes - so it was an ideal challenge! The book cost me the princely sum of  £1.25 in the early 1970's! It's been read many times.

Check out the original 1976 film with Julie Christie,  Peter Finch and Terrance Stamp,  which is one of my favourites, and was filmed in our beautiful English West country, especially around Devizes in Wiltshire. A new version is on the way this May, which I will give a try.

Sorry about the wonkiness. I'm finishing up a cheaper sketchbook and the page  buckled a bit!